LIVING WITH HEART

Candace A. Croft, Ph.D.
© 2006 Candace A. Croft
 

Hearts in Crisis

People change.  Maybe not enough to notice on a daily basis, but subtly, a little at a time.   It’s a newness that creeps up on you, until one day you realize you are not the same as you were twenty or thirty years ago.

Take a simple thing like coffee.  I was well into my twenties before I drank the stuff.  Everyone at work drank the brown elixir, so learned to drink it, too, but never learned to like it.  Generous amounts of milk made it tolerable.  I experimented with flavored blends.  I drank it iced and with sugar.  Asking if I wanted my mocha topped with whipped cream was mere rhetoric.  Although I was never able to drink it straight like a true enthusiast, I craved the bean as much as I craved the peer acceptance that came with it.  So, I continued to stand in line at the coffee counter with my colleagues and order my morning java.  Truth be known, though, coffee was never my cup of tea.

Early on, we readily accept tribal standards as a compass for our journey in life.  We work harder and longer hours to make more money and gain empowering freedom.  We sacrifice quality relationships in pursuit of happiness, promising to redeem time lost at some point in the future that never comes.  Then—bam!—we run headlong into the fabled midlife crisis, that checkpoint which asks us to examine where we stand and consider what we have ordered with our lives.  It is the time when we are confronted with the question:  Does what we receive at life’s counter serve our highest good? 

The phrase, midlife crisis, comes loaded with negative connotations.  In the Chinese language, the word “crisis” is composed of two characters—danger and opportunity.  Because our society focuses on the aspect of danger to the exclusion of opportunity, we view any change at midlife as dysfunctional.

A friend of mine happens to enjoy sports cars and, at midlife, has taken the opportunity to purchase them.  Those practicing coffee stand psychology routinely confront him with the notion that he needs to grow up and face life rather than racing from it.  Maybe they have a point.  Then again, sometimes a sports car is just a sports car.  Perhaps he has simply reached the age when he knows his cup of tea and can afford to have it.  So, why not order what he wants? 

There is no need to apologize for being different and changing one’s usual order.  Change is precisely the opportunity we are given when reaching the midlife checkpoint.    

In a balanced universe, wisdom comes coupled with folly.  Danger arises when we squander the opportunity for change.  Afraid to peruse the menu and make a different selection that might be more to our liking, we stay hopped-up on caffeine and whiz past the checkpoint without so much as a second glance.  Or, we choose without awareness and foolishly switch from latte to double-shot espresso in an attempt to turbo-boost progress on the fast track.  Not to worry.  Coffee is the great equalizer.  Everyone is required to make a rest stop eventually.

Because we view change negatively, midlife seems distasteful.  Perhaps calling it a time of midlife wisdom might entice us to savor it for the blessing it is.  Wisdom means being granted enlightenment.  At midlife, we begin to see that we are great imitators, standing in line and ordering coffee like the rest of the tribe.  Enlightened, we see that we have been reading from only one side of the menu.  Midlife calls us to come into balance and improve our Wisdom Quotient by imitating Higher Self that is a reflection of the divine. 

Seven steps to wisdom, the chakras each present a living question for us to imitate.  This brief column cannot consider each question in detail.  It can only give a taste of each.   

While standing in line at the coffee counter, what does the universe ask us to consider before placing our next order and setting the pattern for the second half of life?

1.      To insure our physical survival in a strange land, we are taught to root securely and do as those who are successful have done.  We learn to value and believe what those around us do.  It is no wonder that we stand in queue at the counter and order coffee like the rest.  Question(s):  Has self-preservation come at the expense of Self-preservation?  Are your roots connected to a tribal or a higher source?    

2.      Our center of gravity provides physical and emotional stability so the mind can safely expand to imagine life’s infinite possibilities.  When unstable and unbalanced, self-gratification becomes dangerous.  Question(s):  Has service to self and the tribe also served your higher good?  Is your balance point self-centered or Self-centered?

3.      When young, we’re on fire to leave our mark on the world.  No wonder we need caffeine.  Question(s):  Have you been feeding your ego or your divine Self with your menu selections?

4.      Humans are social creatures.  Not designed for life in isolation, we seek love and acceptance through unity.  Communion is found in relationships.  Question(s):  Stepping up to life’s counter, do you seek love and acceptance from the tribe or from a higher circle? 

5.      To find our voice and co-create life with personal expression is the challenge we are given.  Achieving that, we live authentically.  Question(s):  Does you daily order express the tastes of your lower self or your higher Self? 

6.      We are called to trust intuitive guidance when stepping up to the counter.  When we follow heart, our mortal lives automatically reflect a higher order.  Question(s):  Does your order reflect your material vision of self or your spiritual Self?

7.      To find our cup of tea, we need to transcend the clamoring throng at life’s counter.  Through quiet reflection that we gain awareness of who we really are and our lives reflect that higher understanding.    Question(s):  Are your thoughts quiet and calm or noisy and rushed?  Does your daily order show knowledge of your worldly self or your holy Self?

People’s orders may change, but their tastes never do.  You are the same person you have always been, but have denied expression.  It takes time to grow into Self because we are given little instruction about how to do so.  Midlife wisdom is the signal to courageously step away from the coffee counter and assess our choices.  It represents that checkpoint when, no longer satisfied with adding milk to make life palatable, we seek a change that better satisfies our tastes.   

If you know your cup of tea, be true to it with your expression.  If you don’t, bravely experiment with the menu to find it.  Put your coffee down and back away from the counter slowly.  No one will get hurt and you will—

KEEP YOUR HEARTLIGHT SHINING