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Candace A. Croft, Ph.D. When Hearts Are Not Like many of us, she searched to find who she was, but had yet to discover what was inside. According to those who knew best, she wasn’t a good athlete, would never be an immaculate housekeeper, could do better in her studies, was a poor entertainer if the school production was any indication, was a less than stellar caregiver for the family dog, was inept with tools, should never be allowed around sharp objects, and could not draw believable stick people. The list of what she was not seemed endless and grew with each passing day. She was not graceful, powerful, engaging, talented, delightful, popular, witty, organized, ingenious, gifted, pretty, chic, well-versed … Neither charming nor charismatic, she was barely likable. Why, she hadn’t even been blessed with the legendary dumb luck of her ancestors. Save for taking up space on the planet and consuming vital resources better used by others, she was of no consequence. After years of searching for who she was, her discovery of self was anything but hopeful. She was the girl who was not. The girl who was not did what many of us have been taught to do. Instead of becoming personally acquainted with her nature as it unfolded, she collected bits and pieces of others’ observations, trusting that their assessments held greater truth than her own insights. Unchallenged, those bits and pieces stuck to her across time with costuming that gradually obscured her true self, making its revelation more difficult. We live in a critical society, one that defines success more by what little an individual lacks than by what one has. When hearts are not, we become vessels that are half-empty rather than on the rise. Viewing one’s vessel as half-empty will never result in fulfillment any more than focusing on what we are not defines who we are. Focusing on emptiness means we cannot appreciate gifts that trickle from our souls into our vessels. Consider this thought: What if, in our super-sized society, we are full, but have chosen an unnecessarily large vessel for reference? After all, a thimble will consistently overflow with blessings more readily than a fifty-gallon drum. Perhaps a change in perspective would assist with locating a self-fulfilling identity. It’s just a thought. There may be some benefit in knowing what we are not, but only if the perceptions of others accurately align with our true Selves and only if any acknowledgment of what we are not is counterbalanced by what we are. Without doubt, seeing self as a half-empty glass in the mirror is discouraging. It is not by what we lack, but by our strengths and talents that we are defined. What gives one heart is the truth that we all are born with substantive gifts waiting to be offered to the world. When we live in definition of who we are, our vessels become full. When we experience the deepest reality of Self that underlies our lives, our lives take on profound meaning. When we pursue paths that help us discover who we are and support others in doing the same, we take on a blessed patina and the world assumes the radiant aura of paradise. This month, take time to discover who you are. Let your strengths pour into your vessel. Fill your life with finding ways to express the gifts you were meant to offer. Become aware of activities and experiences that saturate you with joy, sparkle, peace, and contentment. Forget what others have to say. You, like everyone, came into this existence with your identity already formed. You need only look inside of Self, not outside, to know it. Your deepest reality whispers from the heart and is heard when the raucousness of self-doubt is silenced. Its wisdom springs forth when you no longer feel the need to validate your intuitive self, when you accept what you know about Self without knowing how or why you know it. If the bits and pieces from others’ observations have accumulated over the years to muffle your soul’s voice and clog the divine flow into your vessel, the following questions might prime the identification process. This form of self-inquiry usually works best when questions are answered from the heart rather than according to what others might say and when intuitive whispers are given voice without too much thought that allows the defeating objections from self-doubt to weigh in.
As we increasingly define selves according to our gifts and strengths, we become alive. Living a way in accordance with our innate identity, we naturally and effortlessly walk with grace, find meaning in what we do, and radiate beauty from our souls. When full of Self, life becomes pure joy for each of us, as well as those around us, because passion of being begets passion in living. Live according to whom you are rather than who you are not and you will— KEEP YOUR HEARTLIGHT SHINING
Candace Croft holds a doctorate in Health & Human Development, is a certified Family Life Educator and an aromatherapist. A professor and, most recently, an academic Dean, she specializes in lifespan development, transpersonal psychology, and integrative health. She has authored numerous articles and been involved with energy work for over a decade. Candace lives in southwestern Wisconsin and is available to give presentations or to consult with your organization. Her books and aromatherapy products may be found at her website, www.HeartLightShining.com .
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